GRANT: A PANDA STORY
Let me tell you a story about two pandas who showed the world that just because you’re a little black and a little white doesn’t mean that you can’t live a normal life. You see these pandas were special because they liked to do the nasty all day everyday and because of that they didn’t spend much time thinking about what they could become. Pandas are a smart bunch but unfortunately for them they’re easily distracted by the uncontrollable panda lust that can be quite crippling if one lets it get out of hand. Any who there two interracial bears had an offspring. They should have had more considering the amount of time they spent knee deep in exotic panda juicy puss. This offspring would grow to become a great leader of other panda offspring. A leader like no other in fact he would grow to become the GREATEST PANDA EVER!!!
When Grant the young panda boy was born he was ever so tiny. Some of the other pandas questioned if he was a panda at all, maybe a squirrel or a prairie dog the other pandas thought. Ever so slowly young Grant would start to grow and with this growth he began to fine tune what would soon become his gift… leadership. Although he grew slower and less than the others his mind grew much faster. He started to see the good and bad in the other pandas. He saw that even though some of the bad pandas were obviously stupid and in many cases retarded, that there was potential in everybody. Take Gene the sexually and vertically challenged panda cub. This panda had a great love for the lust much like Grants panda parents. He would spend days in his panda hut fiddling with his wee wee and shoving bamboo up his panda bottom. Seeing as Gene was one of the shortest pandas ever he felt that the other panda ladies wouldn’t like his style. You see Grant knew better, he saw that panda Gene just needed a little kick in the right direction. One day Grant went to Gene and said, “Don’t you know you can get splinters putting those bamboo branches up there?” “How would you like to come with me a help me form an elite panda softball team.” Gene was shocked and couldn’t believe that someone actually needed him for anything, so he pulled the bamboo from his tiny panda butt and said, “I’m with you.” And so it was formed the, the beginning stages of what would become TPX!!!!!!
It wasn’t long after its initial formation that Grant and Gene found other fuzzy friends to join there cause. Take panda Thomas, he was a strange panda because he unlike the other pandas because he was a cripple. He had the bones of a old panda but the heart and arm of a great champion panda. Grant welcomed this cuddly little feller into his roster with open panda arms. Grant wasted no time helping young Thomas learn how and why to play panda softball. Thomas was a quick learner and would soon start to become a nice addition to Grant’s organization. Then you had panda Parker, known only for having a hot panda sister that all the other pandas shared as the panda partner. She truly was a saucy little number, I’m getting hard just writing about it… I’ll be back in a second…
OK, sorry about that. I got a little worked up talking about panda Parker’s sister and had to go take care of something. Back to what I was saying panda Parker was brought onto the team because panda Grant wanted all the other pandas to know that Parker existed and had much to offer to hopes and goals that Grant had for TPX. Parker was a dedicated little panda and would soon become the greatest panda catchers of all time.
Panda Grant was very pleased with his panda progress but wasn’t finished. He made additions here and there, filling gaps, moving pandas around until everyone started to see the team come together. Pandas all over the forest wanted to be apart of this amazing thing that was happening but Grant knew that he had to make his final choices count and really put this panda party over the top. One day while walking through the forest Grant walked up upon a tall handsome panda having his way with panda Parker’s panda sister. The handsome Panda said, “Hey stubby do you mind, I’m trying to show this b-atch a pandtastic time!” Grant waited and waited and waited and waited until finally the handsome panda had finished his sweet sweet love making. HE began to approach the tired panda and said, “Hey there, what’s your name?” “Panda Sam”, the hunky panda replied. “How would you like to join a team that will guarantee you all the panda pussy your little panda pants can handle, how would you like to join TPX!” Panda Sam jumped with excitement, as he had heard of this amazing team but didn’t think he’d ever have the chance to join.
The circle had finally closed and the Panda force that we now know as TPX had been constructed to its upmost potential. Grant looked up upon his team of hungry pandas and smiled. His next words would go down in history as some of the most famous and inspirational panda words ever to cross over panda lips. He simply said, “ITS MOTHER FUCKING PANDA TIME BITCHES!!!!”
THE END
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