LENNON McCARTY: I’M BLACK, DON’T JUDGE ME!

ACT ONE: SCENE ONE

          When we first got Lennon McCartney my wife and I had only been married a short time. To be honest with you, we really couldn't afford to buy him let alone take care of him. I remember the day well, we were out getting some stuff done nothing really important, just random errands. We passed by the Hobby Lobby parking lot where I worked fro a short time as a custom framing extraordinaire. I don't like to brag but I can frame with the best of them. Anyway we were driving past when we saw a sign that says MINITURE SHAUZERS PUPPIES FOR SALE. Seeing that my Kristin's family had only ever had this one type of dog she immediately started crying like a baby for me to drive over and see the puppies. I told her to stop with her alligator tears already and headed that way.

          As we approached the children's play pen where the puppies were I started to feel the urge to purchase a dog. I hadn't even seen them yet and already I was planning reasons in my head to use in negotiations with my wife and my conscience in order to guarantee my victory. Once we gazed over the top and looked down to see the five little pups below we were automatically drawn too our little man. We held him and began justifying to each other why we needed to make this purchase, none of which were valid or good reasons.  He was so tiny and black that we couldn't deny that we wanted this little guy, we just need to think about it a bit more.  If you can believe this next part, we actually drove away with out Lennon at first. We discussed the thought of having another living thing in our apartment with us for like one or two hours before driving to an ATM to withdraw just enough funds to complete the transaction that would change our lives forever.

ACT ONE: SCENE TWO

Life from the Eye's of a Puppy.

          What the hell is happening????? Where the hell did my brothers and sisters go and who the hell are these idiots talking to me like retards? Why does the handsome one keep telling me he thinks so over and over? What do you think so about stupid, you're confusing me! I have no idea where I am and I've got to take a shit. If someone doesn't pull the car over in a second I'm going to shit on one of you two!

ACT TWO: SCENE ONE

Homecoming

          As Kristin and I drove home to our third story apartment with the newest addition to our family we couldn't help but be exited. Lennon was the first real big step that we'd taken together since our wedding vows back on the 10th of March. Eager to share our new home with Lennon I pulled the Envoy, or as I like to call it the Turd Mobile, into the nearest available parking space that was open by our apartment. As soon as we stepped out of the truck and place the little fella on the grass he began to drop a duece. That's a shit for the slow one. We laughed as he tried walking around trying to figure out where he was not really thinking about how confusing and tough that particular situation mush have been for him.

          Just as he began to get comfortable I snagged him off the grass and hustled up the stairs, Kristin followed close behind the whole time crying give him to me. Again I told her, quit your crying women, you're going to upset him. As I approached the top of the stairs I began to dig through my pockets to locate my keys. As I pulled them out, beer bottle caps rained down to the ground like bullets from a the night of drinking several hours before. I twisted the key and opened the door to Lennon's new life.

ACT TWO: SCENE TWO

NO CABLE, WHAT THE F*%K!

          God, I thought I'd never get to take that shit! I was seriously like two seconds away from sharding on the tall ones shirt. I wish they'd put me down, I'd not crippled you know. This place is pretty cool... Holy shit, look at the size of that TV. I could definitely could get used to this, I love me some TV! I'm getting a chili pepper just thinking about it! The better have freaking cable or I'm going to bite someone. Holy mother of Fido, is that a TV antenna? NO CABLE, WHAT THE F*%K! What am I supposed to do around here?

To Be Continued...

Next Time on LENNON McCARTNEY, I'M BLACK DON'T JUDGE ME.

ACT THREE: SCENE ONE

SETTLING IN